The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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