you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
