WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My liver is preforming stress tests.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
