I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
