Walk of Shame. In a state park.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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