Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
