The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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