True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
