This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
