bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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