You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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