I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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