Me. At least after what I've been through.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
