shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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