i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
