please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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