I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
