Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
