i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
