it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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