her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My balls are so social today.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
