Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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