I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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