my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
