My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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