i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
