Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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