Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
