I cannot find my penis.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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