is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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