Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
