I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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