Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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