You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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