I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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