I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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