we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
