Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
