That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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