Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
