i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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