You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
sarcasm needs its own font
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
