Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
