oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
