I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
