That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
