if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
