I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
