I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh god it's open bar.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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