So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
birth control should be required to get into college
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
