Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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