those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
