I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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